Monday, February 25, 2008

Demons...

I have a demon, I know not it's name.
It burns from deep within, in crevasses I loathe to explore.
So deep is this demon, I fear I may never exorcise it.
Years and years of this demon have worn me down.
Weary am I from the battle.

I once kept a list of "15 rules" by author Charles Sykes - Rule number one keeps ruminating in my brain: "Life's not fair, get used to it!" He had a whole list of "rules" that I adore. However, every time I see a skinny person eating what they want, whenever they want, however much they want, I chant that little ditty in my brain.

Life's not fair,

Life's not fair,

Life's not fair!

It's not fair that I simply look at fattening food and gain weight. It's not fair that some skinny people don't have to work at being skinny no matter what they eat. I'm tired of hating my body. I'm tired of battling this demon. I'm tired of the struggle. I'm tired of hating myself every time I fall off the diet wagon.

Life's not fair! I guess I just better get used to it...and battle on...

3 comments:

Angela WD said...

I struggle with that, too. I gain weight so easily. But sometimes I wonder about some of those skinny people I see pigging out. What are they eating or doing at other times?

Ahna said...

Hi Nonna ~ Thanks for visiting my blog. Stop by any time! :)

Confession: I am one of those skinny people who eats whatever she wants. Granted, I don't eat that much sugar, I drink a lot of water, I am still in my early 30's (33 this July), and have never borne a child. But I will tell you this: Being thin won't make you happy. I mean, if you want to be healthy -- have more energy, and in that regard feel more at peace with your body, then that's one thing.

But I'd trade -- not that we're given the option -- my thinness for your marriage and children, any day. (OK, well, maybe not YOURS, exactly -- This is all hypothetical, of course.) You probably don't believe me that being thin won't make you happy any more than I believe people who say that marriage won't make me happy.

But I'm thin. And I'm tellin' ya.

That's all I can say about that.

(Nashville Ahna)

Ahna said...

Oh, and by the way, my mom's from Minnesota -- and that is *just the start* of all the things MN Ahna and I have figured out we have in common. It's nearly freakish! In a good way. :)