Thursday, February 14, 2008

Yes, Mom, I'm a virgin!!!

The darndest thing happened this morning, and I'm not sure if I should be happy or freaked out!
I was in my bathroom getting ready and in the area below me (where my daughter Kaitlyn "lives") I heard a "THUUUUUD!" I didn't think much of it, I thought it was just her slamming a door louder than normal on her way up the stairs. Well, it was her, but not in her normal state. She came into the bathroom white as a sheet, dripping in sweat, with a bloody nose and fat lip. She was crying and very upset.

Now, you have to know Kaitlyn - she's 15 and an amazing kid. I have been so blessed to be her mom, but she does have one flaw that we have openly talked about - she has a penchant for the dramatics, i.e. she can be somewhat of a hyperchondriac at times. So, when she came in the door and said she had passed out, I thought to myself: "What story am I going to hear?"

But then, I looked at her. What a sight. This was not hypochondria, this was real. She looked disheveled and battered. Here's roughly how the conversation went:

Me: Oh, honey, what happened?

Her: I passed out and hit my mouth on the floor.

Me: What caused you to pass out?

Her: I was putting a tampon in.

Me: (looking completely shocked like a toad blinking in a hailstorm) You passed out from that? Is that even possible? Never mind, don't answer that - I can see that it is. Is this the first time you've tried to use one?

Her: This is the fourth time. I got lightheaded the other three times but didn't pass out.

Me: (Cautiously laughing) Well, I guess now I know you are a virgin!

My Husband: (Laughing loudly) And I guess she'll stay that way for a long time! HA HA


Me: Yeah - and that's what Kelsey (her older sister who got pregnant at 16) told me too! But, I believe you! How could I not after that episode?

Maybe she was using the super duper giant deluxe version - like those in this picture:

So, you tell me, besides the witty repartee (or not), is this normal? She does faint any time she has to have blood drawn, and gets quesy even at a flu shot. They call it vasovagal response. Is it really possible to have vasovagal upon insertion of a tampon??? WOW! Maybe she's doomed to a life of maxi pads and celebacy? At 15, that's not looking so bad - I guess I'll take my blessings where they come!


Jon said...

Well now I've heard everything!

Do you see why I gave up women? They are just all too complicated.

I hope it's not inappropriate to be laughing right now, because I can't seem to stop.

Angela WD said...

I think you should count your blessings. And where the heck didja get those giant tampons??

iguana banana said...

I can not stop laughing - sorry sweet young daughter - This was akin to things that have happened, and no doubt will happen to my girls. Thank you for sharing this.
I shared this story with Oma a couple of days ago, and she just walked up to me and giggled about it again.
I think we laugh because we've all been there. Well, maybe not the bloody lip...

Anonymous said...

Don't be so glib.This could be a symtom of a phobia,and untreated fears only get worse over time,not better.I would also celebrate intelligence more than virginity.The best-case scenario is,obviously,keeping virginity until ready,but I'd be much prouder of a daughter who does things SMARTLY,than a daughter who simply does not DO THINGS at all...until she gets tagged by some abusive,jobless loser with a silver tounge because she was overly sheltered.At 15,she should be taught that it's not time yet,but when it is,BE READY,even if Mom and Dad are NOT! Great story,lol,keep up the fine work.