Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I am a verb

We are taught that human beings are nouns. A person/place/thing. A living object. But a thing; not an action. As the days of my life transpire, and expire, I see in retrospect that we are verbs, not nouns at all. Life is a process of learning, changing, growing, acting. With all those "ing" words, how can we be a noun?

At no other time in my life have I understood this as deeply as I do today. I've had the great priviledge this week to play "mommie" to my beloved grandson whilst Kelsey is on a tour with her college choir. There's something so profound about young children. They have an ability far beyond their years to shape one's perspective on life. Looking at this face, you can't help but see only the good in humans, only the pure and innocent.

I have been so blessed by his presence in my life. He is a gift in every sense of the word. On October 26th, 2005, my then 16 year old daughter told me she was pregnant. What ensued was life changing indeed. Such a major life decision lay ahead and all I could do was guide her and provide support. As she pondered her options, termination/adoption/keep the baby, I pondered what life might be like under each cirmcustance. I made it clear that it had to be her choice. I have always supported abortion rights because I don't believe it's a government's place to be. But inside I was tormented that she may choose to terminate the pregnancy. However, I would support her through whatever choice she made. She choose abortion. She called Planned Parenthood in St. Paul, made an appointment, got the paperwork filled out. Through it all, I tried to be supportive and help her through it.

The day before we were going to take the drive to St. Paul she came to me and said she didn't think she could go through with it. We sat down and talked out her other options. She wanted to keep the baby. To this day, I wonder if she thought it might give her an "in" back with her ex-boyfriend? I don't know, but somewhere along her way to motherhood, my baby grew up. She stood at that fork in the road and made the right decision, and continues to make the right decisions. Kelsey is now enrolled in college, Kaden lives on campus with her in single parent dorms. She's become an amazing mother to Kaden, dare I say a better mother than I was as a new mom.

On May 9th, Kaden will turn 2. Tempus fugit. As I reflect on the last two years, I see this bright glow that he has brought to my life. Spiritually speaking, I believe that before we incarnate here in life, we create a plan for our lives with major life choices to help us learn lessons for spiritual growth. There's no doubt in my mind that this was one of those learning moments from which I have grown so much. And there's no doubt in my mind that Kelsey and I made the right decision. Her, for deciding to keep the baby. Me, for deciding to support her through it. And somewhere deep in my soul I feel a connection to him. I feel as though I've been waiting for him to come and be here with me. I feel as if this were meant to be and that I'm reunited with an old friend. Here's a couple of videos for you to enjoy.

So, although my body is old and broken, being a verb is the only way to enjoy my life with him and all of my precious family. Go be a verb with yours and lavish in every minute of it.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


My new cyber-friend over at the Skin I'm In posted this cute little karma test. Many of you know that my spiritual beliefs aren't traditional, and I've been thinking a lot lately about blogging about it more. I've been reading many other bloggers and engaging in very interesting dialogue. It's fascinating, really.

Anyway, being that so many of my spiritual beliefs are based in buddhism, I thought I'd take the silly little Karma test. For many of the sections it was obvious what the "right" answer was, but I resisted the temptation to fill in what I wanted my answer to be. I was happy that for the most part I believe I am in balance with my beliefs.

However, I called it a silly little test because to someone who has studied this stuff a little bit it's also a little disappointing. I know it's just for fun and kicks, and that's all I tried to take away from it, but it does distort the concept of Karma somewhat. For one thing, there are four stages of enlightenment in buddhist karmic beliefs - none of them simply called "enlightenment." The concept of Karma is actually a complex matter that can't be boiled down to a simple online test. But - hey - it was just for kicks, right? So, I'm not going to get my undies in a bunch about it, and I'm just going to have fun knowing that some silly little internet test thinks I'm enlightended! HA!

Julia, Your Karmic Alignment is: Enlightenment!


Score: 25 You have a lot of positive karma, and have good intentions in life. People would normally characterize you with being a kind, sensitive giving person. Remember that by creating positive karma seeds, they will soon blossom. If you work hard enough it is capable to gain enlightenment, and maintain inner peace.

Golf is backwards!

My 15yr old daughter joined the golf team. Golf, I tell you! I don't know SQUAT about golf! It's not exactly a spectator sport, at least not in my eyes.

Last night she had her first golf meet. In the cold, drizzly, rain. YUCK.

My theory is that it must have something to do with boys. It must give her an "in" with the boys? Beats me - but I can't understand the draw...

We picked her up from the meet and I asked who won? She had no idea. So, I stayed up late to watch the local sports on the news. Century High - 219, Lourdes - 212. Yeah, Century won. I was excited that I could tell her that in the morning.

As we drove to school I completely forgot to tell her. Pulling away from the curb I remembered, so I pulled out my phone and called her:

Kaitlyn: "What? You just dropped me off!"

Me: "I forgot to tell you that your team won last night. 219 to 212"
Kaitlyn: "Oh, AWESOME! Thanks Mom, thanks so much for calling! Thats so great!"
I hung up, and my husband who is a golfer said "Who had the 219?"

"Century! Didn't you hear me? I said they won!"

He looked at me with that look. You know the one. That look like you are the dumbest person on the world and he is hysterically laughing on the inside! I knew right away something was wrong. And then I rememembered it. Golf is backwards!

Me: ring, ring, ring "Kaitlyn!"

Kaitlyn: "Mom - you just called me, now what?"

Me: "I was wrong. I forgot that the higher the score in golf, the worse. I'm sorry honey - you guys lost last night"

Kaitlyn: "Oh My God MOM!"

Click. She hung up.


Friday, April 4, 2008

A teacher of all people

Would he be proud of our society today? Would he be discouraged? Would he delight in the impact he had on our country, or lament his time was cut short?

He cried out that he had a glimpse of the "promiseland" - is this it? Are we close? Or do we sadly have miles and miles to go?

On this, the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr's assassination, I pause to honor him, his ideals, and his efforts on behalf of all mankind. I would like to believe if I had been old enough during his time here that I would have marched next to him as a white person. I would like to believe I would have assumed his cause as mine as the right and just thing to do.

But, would I have had the courage? Would you?